Sweet child, why do you struggle so? Like a 3 yr old demanding to “do it myself” your level of frustration is unmanageable. It ‘s time to lay it down. Lay down the fear of vulnerability, lay down the armor surrounding your heart. 

See yourself beyond the limits of your mind and circumstances. You are so much more than what you give yourself credit for. Do not let the fear of responsibility tie you to powerlessness. 
Step by step you can pick up the pieces like gathering flower petals into a basket. This is a potent time to be retrieving your sense of Spiritual Power. I am with you.